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I’m not a pro!! so don’t judge me

This is my own log of thoughts around depression: ideas that have helped me, things that sound good but don’t work, things that sound bad but work, etc… so I hope it will be helpful for anyone who is depressed or is in a depressive state, buuut important to note!! I’m not a professional, a therapist, a psychologist or anything really.

Is this depression?

I’ve struggled with something, I don’t know if you would call it depression. I don’t know if I would call it depression or if the DSM-5 would call it depression. But, somedays for sure, I have thoughts like:

These thoughts are super sticky. I can’t get myself out of thinking them. Any attempt at reasoning them away or trying to see the “bright side” of things (i.e. being a good human being who is grateful for their life) sounds to me, in my own head, like I’m not really in touch with reality.

Further, any incoming thought crumples into its most disgusting and depressing version of itself. When I’m thinking in this way, I’m quicker to believe that someone is being selfish, that they aren’t really listening, that they’re angry with me or they’re “after me” in some way.

The depressed side of me feels like the realist, the one who’s actually got a good sense of the world. The positive-thinking side feels out of touch: unwilling or unable to process and think about dynamics that are real.

These types of thoughts don’t stick around for days and days and days, and I think the never-endingness quality is the main thing that distinguishes “depression” from “feelings of depression” (the whole meal vs the costco sampler).

For me, feelings of depression usually show up about once a day, even if it’s just for a little bit– to drop and say hello– and some days, it feels like that’s the only thing that’s there.

I usually get these sort of states in the afternoon, when it’s probably a result of being tired after work and not having moved around very much during the day. But they’ve come up in the morning as well, and that’s when I feel like I’m out in deep water.

Usually, I just live like that until it goes away on it’s own. Again, it doesn’t stay forever, so for sure. It could be way worse. But still! It ain’t fun!

And that’s why I want to write about it. I feel like there’s all sorts of advice out there on what to do when you’re feeling depressed. And some of it straight up works, and some of it does not work at all. How can that be? WHy isn’t there a once and for all formula?